The Joyousness of Missing Out

This, for me, has become a problem.

I hate to miss out on things.

Hate it.

And hate is a strong word. Not to be used lightly.

Although, I’m sure many people share this ‘fear of missing out’ mentality, it rarely can come to a point where a genuine fear develops that can leave you feeling like you’re missing out on possible life-changing opportunities as a result.

Whenever I have an opportunity as small as going to hang out with friends to something as large as being able to travel across the world, this fear kicks it up a gear and puts them on the same level or importance, with each missed opportunity being equivalent to the next.

Not good.

This can often then have the further effect of ruining the experience when you end up actually pursuing said opportunity since the process of getting there was so stressful.

So is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Maybe.

I’m still navigating my way using a faulty, heavy and clunky torch that are often associated with cheesy 80’s horror films where they go out leaving you plunged into sudden darkness at a moments notice.

There’s also a need to embrace the moment and learn to enjoy missing out on things since ‘missing out’ on one thing doesn’t mean missing out on everything else. You could pass up one opportunity for another or just take a minute to relax after a busy day because trying to pursue every opportunity at every minute of the day leaves you tired and constantly wondering if it’s possible to cover up the dark circles hanging under your eyes – hence the ‘joyousness’ of missing out.

I don’t want to wonder when my next good nights sleep might be.

I want to be happier with myself taking time off and not seeing it as ‘slacking off’ or ‘being lazy when you could be doing so much more’.

I know that certainly in my latter school years I could’ve listened better to the advice I was giving others: “Go home! You’ve got free’s the rest of the day!” or “If you’re tired, take a nap. Here’s my bag if you want it as a pillow.”

Yep. I was terrible at taking my own words as something I should apply to myself. Instead I spent hours doing homework that should’ve taken one, took on every extra commitment I could as a way to help out and/or guarantee that I had a glowing personal statement to show Universities and didn’t sleep longer than 6 hours a night when 8 was the recommended amount.

So when a global pandemic rolled around the corner, my brain probably collapsed in a metaphorical heap and breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn’t about to burn out; I would’ve if I’d kept going at the rate I was.

However these are the times I can’t ever get back. The time spent working so hard that it wasn’t doing me any good to then proceed to ‘miss out’ on time with friends, going out, having fun, watching films or going walking.

So in a roundabout way, my fear of missing out, academically, caused me to miss out on the other, more important side of my life. Having fun with family and friends.

This fear can either control you, or you can choose to commit to yourself over wondering what could have been.

I know I still need some major self-guidance but it’s getting better.

I’m getting used to saying no more often, or for those (like me) who hate to be direct, I’ll say “maybe later” or “we’ll see”.

It’s an improvement.

Because wondering (too much) about what direction your life will take can leave you, ironically, feeling directionless.

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.

– Marcus aurelius